Hey mama,

This week, we're diving into the wild world of baby optimization with the incredibly insightful Caitlin Wilder. Caitlin, a doula, childbirth educator, and mother of two, joins us to debunk the myth that you need to track every second of your baby's life using various apps and devices. So, grab your favorite cup of tea (or that second glass of wine), and let's get into it.

Meet Caitlin Wilder

Caitlin Wilder is a doula, childbirth educator, and mom of two living in LA. She shares tips and relatable mom thoughts on her Instagram account (@wilderbeginnings.) Caitlin introduces herself as someone who provides "the perfect mix of education, mayhem, fun, and unexpected emotional attacks (sometimes I get weepy and I make everyone cry with me)."

The Obsession With Optimization

When Caitlin had her son in 2021, she became obsessed with tracking every single detail of his life. She recently found the notebook she used, tracking things down to the second, and realized how dark that time was. "It is so easy to fall down a rabbit hole and get obsessed with this - thinking you’re just one chart away from 'fixing' your baby. It’s a horrible, NOT fun way to spend your postpartum, but it seems like everyone on the internet is doing it."

Why Parents Find The Need

Caitlin believes the need to control is a significant factor. "We’re so used to being in control in our daily lives, or knowing exactly what’s needed to excel at our jobs, so when you have a baby that’s just crying all the time and not responding to anything, or acting differently than what you thought, you have no clue what to do. And these products and trackers make you feel like you’re in control, even though it’s a totally false sense." She notes that we've lost sight of normal infant behaviors like waking up often, needing comfort, and not sleeping long stretches. "If you need to track things for a medical reason or your pediatrician is asking you to, that’s one thing. Or if you have ‘time blindness’ and have zero clue when the last time your baby ate, take note of that. But tracking every single thing so that an app can analyze a pattern and tell you when you should be putting your baby to sleep vs. you learning your baby’s cues? That’s when you’re going to start making yourself crazy."

Babies Are NOT Robots

Caitlin emphasizes that babies are unique little beings, not robots that fit into predetermined patterns. "Let your baby be a baby! Your baby is a beautiful and wonderful and terrifying and demanding unique little person - not some robot that is going to fit into some exact predetermined pattern. Your baby has their own wants and needs, and that app doesn’t know YOUR baby at all. And then when your baby DOESN’T go to sleep at the time the app says, you’re going to think there’s something wrong with your baby (vs. your baby just doing what they want and need to do). Your baby is just a baby!"

Connecting Without The Apps

For parents needing to track feedings or wake times, Caitlin suggests noting the time somewhere without inputting it into an app. "If you’re more focused on what an app is telling you, you’re going to miss the opportunity to learn your baby’s unique cues. The more time spent just watching your baby, holding your baby, connecting with your baby - you’re going to start to understand them (and realize the expectations you put on them were wild!)."

Pressure? Throw The Phone Out

Caitlin half-jokingly suggests throwing the phone out. "Our parents didn’t have these tools, our grandparents didn’t have them, even 5-10 years ago people didn’t have them! They aren’t NECESSARY by any means, because they were literally invented by companies to sell you something. The more time you spend obsessively tracking, that’s time taken away from you just actually being present and being with your baby. And which sounds more fun?"

Tools For The Modern Parent

Caitlin recommends learning about normal infant behavior, especially regarding sleep. She points to experts like Rachael at @heysleepybaby, emphasizing the importance of knowing that your baby is doing what babies should do and doesn’t need “fixing.” For necessary tracking, Caitlin suggests going old school with pen and paper. "Just remember - your baby chose you because they knew you’d love them better than anyone in the world ever could, not because they thought you’d be the best at obsessively tracking and over analyzing everything they do and then crying because their chart doesn’t look as good as that person on Instagram's did."

Caitlin’s Final Word

Caitlin acknowledges that some parents genuinely find tracking helpful and aren’t targeted by her advice. However, for those who hate it, feel it's not helping, or are doing it just because they think they should, Caitlin encourages them to stop. "You’re allowed to! Just because someone else is doing it or showing off charts doesn’t mean YOU need to. If it doesn’t feel right to you or makes you feel crazy or anxious if you don’t analyze something, stop. You deserve to do what you want, how you want, regardless of what someone or some product makes you think. You’re doing amazing and your baby is so lucky to have YOU."

Here for you,

Until next time, embrace the chaos and cherish those unique baby moments without the stress of optimization.

Follow Caitlin on IG: @wilderbeginnings